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The Symptom is NOT the Problem

Posted by Lyette Reback on October 10, 2014.
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toilet I used to worry when I began my website that I would run out of things to write about.

Ha.  That’s funny.

Like as if having 15 children does not give me a multitude of subjects to discuss, weekly encounters with moms definitely provides lots of insight into what parents are needing to hear.  Wanting to learn.  And desiring encouragement about.

A while back a mom asked me a question after she had endured a rather rough morning.

“Do you EVER get to go to the bathroom by yourself?”  Her face said it all…I am tired. Stressed.  Frustrated.

And yet as she rattled off a few other questions, I could see that she mistakenly thought that her PROBLEMS were the PROBLEMS.  But her PROBLEMS were not problems…they were symptoms.

Let me explain.

It would be like you complaining to me that you have headaches.  You think that the headaches are your problem.  But the headaches are just a symptom.  Your problem is that you have a brain tumor.  We can treat the symptom, but if we don’t attack the problem, your medicine is just masking a much graver challenge altogether.

So she thought that her problem was that she had no privacy.  But that was just a symptom.

Her real problem was a lack of routine.

Because, I go to the bathroom all by myself…99% of the time anyhow.  How do I do that with five children five and under?

I HAVE A ROUTINE.

Our day is guided by a routine and a rhythm that gives me plenty of time for a bathroom break…and when I had only Daly Kay, Ryli and Bliss…three children in less than 3 years…I still made it to the toilet alone.  This was because I had regular times throughout my day where they were all playing in their crib, room or pack-n-play at the same time, or on a quilt, or napping…I had plenty of time in my day to take care of personal needs.

So this week I want to challenge you…are your problems…your PROBLEMS?  Or are they symptoms of a real challenge that you need to take on.   And please feel free to send me your questions and I will address them here with discretion and understanding…I promise.  I am not judging you, in fact, you’ll probably never meet someone more in your corner than me.  There is probably not much you can ask that I haven’t already encountered myself.

As for my mommy friend who had a rough morning and just wants to go to the potty in solitude…I feel your pain.   Everyone needs privacy.  Everyone needs the security of knowing when they can and will get a break.  And that is the beauty of a routine.  It provides you with a light at the end of the tunnel when you have had one of those mornings.

October 10, 2014

Filed Under: Babies, Moms, Toddlers, Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Amanda Yannotta says

    October 10, 2014 at 8:35 am

    This is one of the top 5 pieces of advice you have ever given my family! I owe so much to you for this advice alone. The routine we set starting with baby #1 has created a pattern that most of the time defines us as a family unit. If and when “symptoms” creep up my hubby is quick to realize…”I think we need to look at our daily routine”. Thank you my friend for this advice. For helping my family. For allowing us after baby #5 to have a very solid routine that now is second nature and allows us to serve others in ways I NEVER thought possible with children especially multiple toddlers!

    Reply
  2. Cheryl Plourde says

    October 10, 2014 at 8:47 am

    This is excellent!!!! I needed this today.

    We have a quote hanging in our kitchen which reads, “The secret of your future lies in your daily routine.” I usually change the quote weekly, but decided to leave that one up indefinitely because its more for me then for the kids. I read that quote 50 times a day and it reminds me to stay on track, which keeps the kids on track.

    Thank you Lyette. This is probably one of my favorite posts because it is so vital and yet so easy to forget, at least for me, and get caught up in an endless string of questions and distractions which only leads to frustration.

    It seems also that when the children know what to expect and the schedule is tight (even for a toddler), they are more peaceful and excited to own their responsibilities because they also have a ‘look forward to’ break so they tend not to walk in circles all day. Thank you Lyette! Lord bless you! XOXO

    Reply
  3. Sonya Milu says

    October 10, 2014 at 10:57 am

    This post a a total gem!!! I am posting this on our wall in the dining room!! Thank you Lyette, I truly needed to hear this and I am totally receiving it as well! God bless you and keep those posts a comin’!

    Reply
  4. Nancy says

    October 10, 2014 at 11:30 am

    How timely for me!! I was just having “one of those days” yesterday and felt like such a failure as a mom, homeschooler & housecleaner. I would have probably felt like a failure as a wife too but my husband was away on a business trip! I woke up this morning from a dream that I had. In my dream I found myself in a meeting that I just happened to be at. It was Flylady speaking. I used to use her organizational website to keep me on track with routines , but from our multiple moves, stopped. I was balling my eyes out at the meeting because all she was talking about was the importance of routines. I woke up thinking, that is it! I need to get back on my routines and make sure the kids are disciplined in their routines as well. Then I read this post of yours, so yes , yes, yes to routines!!! Thank you Jesus for your gentle loving ways to speak to your children! Thank you Lyette!

    Reply
  5. Lyette Reback says

    October 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Thank you ladies. I am so glad this reminder helped you or encouraged you. It can be a real challenge sometimes to remember the simple things that can make our lives easier…like routine. Encouragement from time spent in prayer. Exercise as a stress reliever. Getting a decent night’s sleep. Parenthood is not easy and when we see our struggles overtaking our joy, a simple step back can help. I’ve been there dozen’s of times. I’m mostly preaching to myself 😉

    Reply
  6. Jennifer Hodge says

    October 11, 2014 at 8:32 am

    So true!

    Reply
  7. Colleen Tress says

    October 15, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    Great quote, Cheryl Plourde! I’m stealing it! 🙂 It’s going up tonight! This has been my best and least stressful homeschooling year so far and I believe it’s because of our routine. I’ve realized as of late, however, that the routine has been slipping and I need to tighten it up again. Thanks again Lyette for a great reminder!

    Reply

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