Recently in one newspaper article I was quoted as saying, “Marriage is supposed to be fun, especially the sex!”
And I really believe that. Obviously. I’m expecting with baby #16 due in about seven weeks!
And although the church loves to talk about marriage and what marriage means and what marriage is and more recently what marriage ISN’T…I’d like to submit for your Monday morning coffee a bit about what marriage INCLUDES.
It includes sex.
Which is not a dirty word, folks. It’s a great word. It’s a beautiful act– and truly one of our most powerful acts as human beings because in that act we can actually CREATE LIFE. Another being. Amazing.
One of my daughters attends a theatrical academy. The married couple who began the school are, after twenty years together, still so very obviously in love. One Saturday afternoon during practice, the kids found the Mr. & Mrs. of this academy behind the curtains KISSING. My daughter’s reaction was “Awwwwww, they still LOVE one another!!!” But most profound to her was the impression it made on so many of her friends who had never witnessed that kind of love and affection in the context of a life-long marriage. That little “discovery” by those kids that afternoon had an incredible impact on what they thought about marriage. What they believed about true love. What they began to consider about commitment to one another. One simple backstage kiss between a husband and wife made more of a difference in the lives of these young teens than probably a semesters worth of teaching. It was powerful.
And moms and dads, your sex life with one another is powerful too. Not only does it represent the spiritual union that you made physical and then brought forth life into the world with as a result, but it represents something worth waiting for as your children decide to follow what you teach them.
[bctt tweet=”And moms and dads, your sex life with one another is powerful!!”]
See, kids are always thinking. They’re always watching. Always evaluating. You can be teaching them the right things about sex, but if your own sex life within your marriage is falling flat, don’t kid yourself…they know it. And children will buy what you’re selling them about sex when they see the joy, fulfillment, and “backstage kisses” that tell them that what you’re preaching is going to bring all you’re telling them it will.
Does that last statement make you nervous?
Are you reading this knowing that your own sexual relationship with your husband is lackluster? Not as active as he wants it? As you want it? As it should be? Are you wondering when the last time was that your kids saw you two exchange a flirtatious look? Are you realizing that maybe there needs to be some reparative, restorative work done in that department of your marriage?
Then don’t let another day go by without beginning a discussion about it. Beginning to work on it. Beginning to rebuild. No, it may not all be solved in one talk or one romp in the sheets, but it can only improve if you keep trying. Keep encouraging. Keep realizing the need of your spouse and keep deciding that your marriage and your sex life and the portrayal of that in the lives of your children can have a profound impact on them. You are worth it. Your spouse is. Your children are. Your marriage is. It’s all worth the fight and grit and effort. So if you’re struggling in the physical department of your marriage, don’t give up. There are, quite literally, generations at stake. Start with a couple “backstage kisses” and go from there.
[bctt tweet=”You are worth it. Your spouse is. Your children are. Your marriage is.”]
For more on sex and marriage, read chapter 15 of “Please God Don’t Let Me Screw This Up” where I share some the most common issues we’ve faced in the last fifteen years of family ministry.