I’ve had my moments as a mom. The meltdowns in public places. The temper tantrums in the middle of a store. The smart-mouthed answer coming out when you least expect it. And then of course there are times my kids behave that way too.
But seriously, we have all been embarrassed by our kids. And the more I mature as a mom, I realize that “being embarrassed” is the wrong attitude. Now maybe some of y’all younger, less experienced but way smarter mommies figured this out a lot quicker than I did… it took me a good ten years. The truth is, our children’s behavior is never embarrassing. They are kids. They are going to flub it up, try things they shouldn’t, surprise us with their unbelievable ability to try and hurt themselves, and in general wow us continually into saying, “I never figured they’d do that!”
And yet, they are kids. We give them boundaries, and they HAVE to test them. Over and over again. We give them rules, and they have to break them. Royally. This is their job…to test our resolve, ask us to prove ourselves worthy of their respect. They humble us, and at times humiliate us. I have had more than my fair share of humble pie. And it don’t taste good. (Please don’t email me that the last sentence was bad grammar. It was intentional. It was my inner redneck coming out. )
Truthfully, moms and dads, our kid’s behavior is never embarrassing. What is embarrassing is if we do nothing about it. Let it slide. Let it go unchecked.
And yet I see this labeled as “grace.” Or parents ignore the behavior. Call it a phase. Hope the kid gets through it. Or blame someone for it…the coach, the teacher, the youth group leader. Moms and dads—it’s OUR job. These are OUR kids. OUR responsibility.
And then there are the parents (and I have been in this category myself…many times) who stand paralyzed and stupefied. Their “I NEVER figured junior would do THAT” paralyzes them into inactivity. No action because they are afraid of making the wrong decision. Listen, I have learned something valuable over the last 20 years. Our kids don’t expect us to always get it perfect, but they need our response. They need us to hold the line. They need us to do SOMETHING, even if it isn’t the perfect response or reaction when they disobey or call us on the carpet with their behavior.
I’ve had kids call names. Throw punches. Start fights. Say bad words. Throw fits. Meltdown. Smart mouth. Outright do the exact opposite of what I told them to do. In public. In church, for heaven’s sake! One thing I can tell you from this vantage point of experience—is that they ALL TRY. We just have to prove to them that they won’t get away with it. And then love them into oblivion, telling them over and over again that no matter what, momma’s love and daddy’s love is never at stake.
Don’t be apathetic and call a lack of response grace. Don’t be lazy or uncertain and label it mercy, a syndrome, or a phase. Our kids never make a fool of us. We only make a fool of ourselves if we do nothing about their misbehavior.
amandayannotta says
Fantastic post!!!! Needed this today!!
Rachel says
Great reminder. I’ve found that pretty much the only time my kids choose to majorly act out/misbehave is when we are around a lot of other people.
Lyette Reback says
and (smile) sometimes they do that too mama. I hear ya.
Christi says
Thanks Lyette! I needed this reminder today. Sometimes it’s easier to brush it off instead of facing it head on.
BTW I still love that photo.
Lyette Reback says
Thank you Christi!! xoxoxo
Marcia says
Fantastic! Always a good reminder. I find myself at times making the “they are just tired” excuse but good reminder that bad behavior is bad behavior and must be addressed.
Lyette Reback says
Well, when they are tired, you have to take that into consideration…sometimes when I hear myself make that excuse too often, I realize that they ARE tired, and it is probably because I have been trying to do too much, or maybe it has been a really crazy week and the things we had to go out and do were unavoidable. So I hear ya.
Mary says
Thank you so much, this post came at such a perfect time. Just last week at church our youngest had a total meltdown when he dropped his craft and it broke everywhere, it was an all out on the ground meltdown. I honestly did feel embarrassed because of the many stares and that feeling as a failure as a parent at that moment. I recently discovered your website and read it everyday, feeling so blessed that God somehow knew hearing your words and advice was so needed and welcomed in my heart. Thank you so much! God Bless!
Lyette Reback says
I can not count the number of times I have been in your exact same shoes! You were not at all a failure! Those who were staring at you have obviously forgotten that it was not so long ago they were in the exact same position…Hold your head up mama. It happens to all of us. Dozens of times. Just keep marching and know that your results take time and your rewards are great.