Teaching Purity to Our Daughters

Kemper and Daddy at the Pumpkin Patch

“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” – Proverbs 31:12

Many parents mistakenly believe that teaching purity comes first by teaching their children all about sex, and then telling them not to do “it” until marriage. I would argue that is probably the least effective way to go about it. We don’t do ourselves much good by arousing a curiosity and then telling them they can’t participate for 15-20 years. There is a much better way.

David and I were blessed with six daughters in a row, so I tend to look through the Scriptures naturally looking for tips and clues on how to raise Godly women. And of course, that many times leads me straight to Proverbs 31.

We teach our girls about purity by first consistently praying about their husbands. From an early age (I mean, from birth!), we pray FOR them before bedtime. By age nine or ten, our girls incorporate this into their own prayer life. You would be amazed at the things the Lord has revealed to them about their future spouses in dreams or verses.

Next, we keep our girls predominately away from fleshly, lustful films that incited false conceptions of romance and music that endorses the kind of relationships we want them to steer clear of. This is doing their future spouse good because it keeps not just their bodies “technically” pure, but their minds as well.

Thirdly, we focus on training them in diligence so that they will be well prepared to run a household when the time comes. We also push hard for academic excellence– that they will be well equipped in life for whatever challenges they may face. The ability to communicate, empathize, and discern is something we practice every day. Believe it or not, these are all important aspects of teaching purity! Every aspect I have listed, when put in the context of how these attributes will greatly affect their marriage, belies the importance of remaining chaste until the day of marriage.

And lastly, we bought them a ring. I know purity rings are all the rage. Common almost. But it is the way and age at which it is presented that can be the singular significance in it’s effectiveness.

Daddy plans a special date with his daughter…usually around 14 years old. The princess gets dressed up and goes to the jewelry store with Daddy. A small silver ring is purchased that has significance to HER is picked out, and placed on her hand by her father. For each daughter, the ring has been different.

Daly Kay’s has two hearts that are not yet touching signifying that her husband already exists, and from God’s viewpoint it is just a matter of time before they meet. Ryli’s is a small band with two prongs holding a tiny diamond, to her meaning that she and her husband are both holding onto their purity as a precious stone. Bliss’s is a band of several silver hearts, with one gold heart in the middle, signifying that there is just ONE man who will meet the needs of her heart.

I hope looking at the Scripture and seeing the “ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE” is as impactful and life changing for you as a parent as it was for me.