Praying during our morning Bible study
“Be Real” is such a buzz phrase in our culture that has just way overstepped its bounds. Of course when teaching our children any area of character development, we all realize that some sins are simply more challenging for us than others. We may struggle with some items in our life that never even enter into the minds of our friends or peers. So in an effort to avoid all appearance of hypocrisy, some parents take it upon themselves to not only “be real” but reveal every little thing about their past. This is a HUGE mistake.
First of all, when teaching our children about something like -oh- lets take for example -lying. Lying is a perfect opportunity to tell them about our personal experience with a lie and the consequences. Everybody lies. Everybody tries it. How it is dealt with or the long term consequence is something we definitely want to teach our children.
But let’s turn up the heat a bit. What if we struggled with drug abuse? What about an abortion in our past? What about promiscuity? Should these items as well be open and “real?” Should we just lay out our challenged past and let it all flap in the wind? Should we be THAT real with our children?
No. You see, our children see us in a way that is amazingly filled with grace. They look up to us and love us so purely, it must be handled delicately. To come in the name of “reality” and share our jaded past with them is just way more than they can bear. Allow them to see us as the authority in their life, the one they love beyond compare, without saddling them with the guilt and weight of our past foolish decisions. That “my mommy hung the moon” and “my daddy is a superhero” mindset must be held onto at all costs. Besides, those things in our past are dead. The person we were is dead. We are all a new creation now alive in Christ, and He doesn’t even remember our sins, so why should our children be given the opportunity to look at you in that way?
There are examples in all our lives where we as kids lied, and we have a great story to tell our children about how that did not work out so well for us. We can be empathetic and still hold a hard line against it easily, and we have scripture to stand on.
Stealing…another good one to use our own personal examples (unless it was embezzlement or grand theft auto!).
But the biggies, the tough ones that are the ghosts we sense following us, the skeletons in our closets…let those dead dogs lie there dead. Don’t bring them up in the name of “being real.” We wouldn’t be teaching family loyalty at that point; we would be betraying the grace give to us by the one who paid dearly for it.
Be real, but be REAL careful.
Amanda says
This is soooooooo right on! I love how you have explained this. You have such a gift my friend.
Lyette Reback says
Thank you Amanda!
Lisa Cox says
Thank you for sharing this with us! I totally agree! Ditto on what Amanda said about you having a gift Lyette. I am an English teacher and I could NOT EVEN BEGIN to write and explain the way YOU do. God has blessed you with such a gift of writing and I am so grateful that you share your gift with the world. I am going to share this article that you wrote with MANY people. Thanks again!
Lisa
Michelle says
Excellent perspective….you sure do “write the manual” that should have come with each of our children, from Our Heavenly Father!!!
Jodi Lloyd says
I appreciate your view but I disagree. All sin is sin. It’s all equal in the eyes of Christ. So all sin is up for scrutiny by our children. If you’re going to be open about lying then you should be willing to be open about drug use or premarital sex. I think you should weigh the timing of telling them based on scenario you are currently dealing with and their age/maturity. I know pastors and others in ministry that are open about their sin and God uses that to show that all sin is equal in his eyes and therfore equally covered by His grace. My kids do believe I hung the moon and they believe I had to endure a lot of ups and downs in order to make that happen. I’m not magic. I’m human. It’s okay for kids to understand that.
Lyette Reback says
And you are absolutely free to disagree 🙂 That’s what makes our families unique and individual. But I think where you and I may (or maybe not) disagree most is perhaps that my sin is up for scrutiny by my children, or anyone else for that matter. My life is not for scrutiny, it has been judged and paid for by the blood of Christ. If we are talking about an adult child, and one who has now become more of our friend rather than one under our authority…then obviously that is different. Those scenarios and conversations are far different. But many times I have seen parents “be real” with their struggling teen and share difficulties with that teen from their promiscuous past or past dabblings in drugs or alcohol…and the child looks at the adult and thinks, “well, things didn’t turn out too bad for you…what the heck – I’ll give it a whirl….” only to not understand the tragic consequences their parents faced and scars that hurt for years after. But you know, it’s absolutely your prerogative and I’m certainly not the Holy Spirit, so I’m sure you will make the right decision with your family. God bless you in your parenting!
Joe says
I’ve smoked marijuana. I’ve been drunk. What if my kid asks me directly?
Lyette Reback says
I think that depends on your child’s age, and how or why they are asking. I tell you I’d pray and ask God what to do. He’ll give you wisdom!