How to Spoil Your Children

One loving mother wrote in and asked me how to be sure she was not spoiling her child.  Her heart says to give, but her mind says be careful.

How is a parent to avoid making a brat out of their babe?

Let me ask you this:

Is the CEO spoiled because he has a nice house? Fancy Car? Beautiful clothes?

Is he spoiled because he gets that fat paycheck?

No.  Not at all.  He has worked for them.  (Please don’t go all 99% vs. 1% on me here…I am trying to draw an analogy, not discuss politics and their economic inferences!)

Folks, the issue is NEVER about how much or how little you give to your children. In fact, when I read the Word I see that the Lord is really into blessing the socks off His kids.  I can’t think of a reference anywhere in the Bible that talks about how much is too much to give to a child.  I am more impressed as I read that God is a giver of ALL good things, and that He didn’t even spare His own Son, but gave that precious child of His up for a horrific death on the cross for our benefit!

The real challenge is not how much you give your child, but how much your child works and contributes into the family.  Make sure little junior has an understanding of how hard daddy and mommy work, how much work it takes to make a dollar. Teach Johnny to love and serve his family by taking ownership of certain aspects of the home…maybe the yard, or the laundry…something that has him consistently responsible and participating in taking care of the family. The parent who just gives Johnny everything, expects nothing from him in the way of help around the house or contributions to the chores, and then simultaneously slaves away at doing everything for Johnny: taking him to sports, volunteering at school, helping him with homework, all the while receiving very little gratitude is building a brat.

{Please keep in mind here I am not talking about a two year old…I am thinking more along the lines of 8 and up…}

See that’s what creates the sense of entitlement.  That’s what makes a monster out of a child….everything given to them, while they give nothing back. 

Our children are born to us in this blessed country with a special kind of challenge that I think most parents around the globe never face.  They rarely go without and yet not much is asked of them in return.  They are handed things to “keep them busy” like video games and computers while their parents work ’round the clock to keep jobs, home, and life under control.

How do you know?  How do you know if you have crossed the line into entitlement and brat building? When the children  are constantly ASKING for everything.  Begging.  Whining.  (Remember, I’m not talking about a 2 year old….more like an 8-9 yr old and up.)

But the good news is this: even if you have crossed that line…maybe you look around today and think – “Whoa!  What have I done?”  Please, just take a deep breath.  Roll your sleeves up.  Start teaching junior how to love his family by serving and working for the common good of everyone in the family.  It won’t be long before his heart changes and his awareness grows. Some suggestions for teaching your child how to contribute may be found in this post about how I run my house.

And let me just finish by saying….when in doubt, GIVE.  Always better to model generosity and love our children than model tightfistedness based on the assumption that we may end up with a brat.  I know personally, my father always gave.  And I knew he worked hard for it.  Lesson learned? If you work hard, you can have anything you want.  And I grew up believing that my Loving Heavenly Father must be a great giver based on the giving and generous father that I had growing up.