One desperate father of a newborn wrote and begged, “Give me my wife back!”
His darling wife had gone from only his to motherhood in the last month, and he was left pondering if life will ever be the same.
No, sweetheart. It will never ever ever ever ever be the same. The carefree woman at your side of yesteryear whose biggest concern was whether or not you liked her meatloaf has now become the giver of life and sustenance to another human being. She will never be the same again.
And neither will you or your marriage.
Being a new mom is completely overwhelming and world-changing in all of 36 seconds and lasts the rest of her life. And if you’re not super intentional, it can feel like the train already left the station and you didn’t even have a ticket.
You want to be on that train, boy.
You gotta get on that locomotive quick.
You see, new moms can pretty easily stumble into shouldering every responsibility of parenting. She’s breastfeeding…not a lot a poppa can do there but watch in wonder. Baby needs burping and she’s the one holding the little bundle of joy so she just goes ahead and burps him. Afterwards, baby spits up and poops blowing out of his diaper so she runs to the nursery to change him. And before you know it lil man is needing a nap so she just goes ahead and rocks him to sleep.
Now…what exactly did you do in that three hour cycle to contribute? And from a new father’s perspective– really what the heck CAN a guy even do?!?! Throw in some postpartum tears, irrational fears and an overwhelming need for sleep and you may see your wife as a ticking time bomb. She probably is. For real. I’ve been there a few times myself.
So, Jesse James, let me tell you how to climb back on that train and win back the wifey…
You HAVE to step in and help. You have to almost BUTT your way in. Because she may easily see herself as the only one capable–which of course is false but makes sense in the mind of a postpartum momma. There’s all kinds of crazy stored up in that hormonal brain and very little of it makes sense or is rational. You just have to step in and step up.
Bring her the baby to nurse as often as you can…and with a fresh diaper already on so that wifey doesn’t get covered in gooey poop from an already overstuffed pampers. Bring her a burp cloth and a cup of ice water. Make sure she has the TV remote or a pillow to help support her back or the baby on her tummy. Does she need breastpads to stop the insane leakage that soaks her bras and shirts? And go ahead and grab junior when its time for a burp. Give her a minute to stretch or go to the bathroom! After baby is fed, you change him and his outfit. Take the dirty onesie and go ahead and start a load of laundry. When she decides it’s naptime, you go put that baby down and pat his bum so she can take a nap. Do these things as often as you can when you’re home and you will show her that you are a willing participant and capable…you’ll win the heart of your child and romance your wife through loving and serving her and the newest object of her affection simultaneously.
This Monday night (12/8), the conference call will be mostly pertaining to newborn and baby questions…so for those of you who have questions, click here to submit them and sign up!