Oh my word. I have had so many teen conversations with mommies lately. SO many moms having such challenges with their teens. Let me first just stop and say a prayer with you:
God in heaven, you love every one of these kids and their parents…infinitely. Please give these moms and dads wisdom and insight for their precious children. Protect these kiddos – even from themselves if necessary! Help these parents, strengthen them, give them boldness and use these current challenges to draw them near to you that they could sense your power, love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and purpose through these tough times.
In Jesus’ name
AMEN.
Ok, so anyhow, let me just talk to you teen parents for a minute.
Sit down.
Slow down.
Stop and think for a minute.
Remember.
Remember what it was like 20+ years ago when you were a teenager. Remember the hormones, the stress, the pressure, the academics, the social challenges…trying to figure yourself out under the watchful gaze of so many different voices and authorities in your life? Can you tell my memory is still fresh? Boy I tell you, I wouldn’t want to relive that part of my life for all the money in the world.
Our teens today are under far more perceived pressure than we ever were and their mistakes are magnified under a relentless entity called the internet. You thought it was tough not getting asked to the Homecoming Dance, these kids have pressure to get enough likes on every Instagram post. You can say it is trivial and foolish if you want, but the emotions are real to them and it is our job as parents to teach them how to thrive through these struggles and grow stronger.
But the most valid point I want you to remember in today’s post has nothing to do with the fights or the struggles in and of themselves – it has everything to do with WHY the fight happens in the first place. If I can teach you why these kids are fighting, you may see the solution a lot easier.
I really believe that many times when our kids fight WITH us, they are begging us to fight FOR them.
Read that again. It is worth being repeated.
Many times when our kids fight WITH US, they are really just asking us to fight FOR THEM.
What they are really saying is, “Am I worth the argument to you? Am I worth the time, the drive, the passion, the strain? Are you so sold on that rule and it’s reasoning that you will go to the mattresses over it (remember the GODFATHER)? Will you fight for me, will you be emotional over me, am I worth the trouble???”
Because I am convinced that even if you have a solid marriage (and especially if you don’t), and a good relationship with your teen, they are so surrounded by uncertainty in so many of their other relationships that if you will fight for them many times you will win their hearts just by being willing to go the distance and show them you find them valuable enough to continue soldiering on!
So I want to encourage you teen parents, I want you to continue to fight the good fight. Don’t roll over and play dead and don’t give up! Too much is at stake and your child may indeed just be fighting to test the measure of your resolve and the strength of your bonds and your love. The fight is worth it. The child is worth it. And so is their future.
Leah says
THIS! You have no idea how much I needed this right now. I was just in the thick of it and felt like the ever-loving life was just drained from me. Again.
One thing that even homeschool moms like us need to realize is that no matter how hard we try-even if we shield them from glowing boxes of unedifying entertainment and have Bible time and prayer with them every day, we cannot be their Holy Spirit, and many will still go through seasons of rebellion and difficulties in their faith.
I have read so many homeschool blogs that stop short of promising thorn-less rose gardens and spiritual giants if we only follow their prescribed path of living.
Your post is refreshingly different. Thank you for encouraging the right kind of fight without the formulas. God bless
Michelle says
LOVE….I am a product of not feeling worthy of even being liked….and that is hard to understand, at any age. KNOWING you are loved, no matter the fight or issue, is PRICELESS. Creating a Godly environment of love, support, encouragement and mutual respect is something I could only dream of….so nice to see that dream a reality!
DAWN says
I raised two teenagers myself that are full grown adults now. When I look back I know where I went wrong with the first child, but by the second one I was able to correct the wrongs from the past. I found personally that teens want to be treated with respect and knowing that they have a mind of their own. I’ve helped a few friends of mind tackle the job with their teens to the point of them finally having a good bond between them. Listening is the most important part of being a parent, especially to a teen that is looking for solace and guidance on how to steer through this thing called life.