You know, one thing I can’t stand is a wimpy kid. The type who cries easily, overreacts emotionally or when they are barely scraped physically.
I just want to shake the parents and yell, “HOW IS THIS KID GONNA PERSEVERE IN ANYTHING IF HE HOLLERS FOR 15 MINUTES ABOUT A BUMP ON THE KNEE?”
I DO NOT have wimpy kids. And I have been thinking long and hard about why. Two major factors come to mind.
RUFFLES
Ever since Daly Kay was a BABY, David would rough her around. Used to scare the heck out of me. He would toss her up in the air, roll and wrestle with her on the bed, and play pretty tough. As she grew, eventually she stopped fussing and began playing back. HARD. So hard that at 13 while they were rough housing, she broke his ribs. (Never, never, never try to take down a swimmer…their grip and their kick is intense!)
And once David had a son…well, forget it. That boy was flung around, pounded down, and roughed until he couldn’t take it anymore. As a baby, Courson would just wail. He could see the look in daddy’s eyes coming for him while he was standing in the crib and he would try to hide under his blankie. That didn’t stop David! Blissy would beg Daddy…”Stop! Daddy, he doesn’t like it!” But over the course of a few months, that little whippersnapper started squealing with delight. And by the time he could speak, he asked for “ruffles” (his version of “roughins”) every night.
Maybe you, as a parent, didn’t grow up with an older brother or the type of dad who would rough-house with you. Perhaps this whole concept seems strange and unimportant. But let me assure you, it is vital to building the kind of kid that can take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’. It builds trust, confidence, and tires them out pretty good before bed! What starts out as a tickle fest around here usually ends up in a full on brawl, but these kids are fearless. And that’s just the way I like ’em.
Secondly, when a child gets a scrape on the knee, I respond kindly…but in most cases pay it very little mind.
Judson walks up, crying because he walloped his elbow in a spill on the sidewalk. “Well son, you’re going to get hit a lot harder than that on the football field. Take that hit as training. You’re just fine.”
Courson (rarely anymore…but maybe a few years ago) comes at me with a pretty good mark on his forehead. “Well son, I’m sure in the army you will get far worse whacks on the noggin than that. Keep marching soldier.”
Liberty (who swears she needs stitches even if the boo boo is as big as a paper cut…the child goes through band-aids like pez!) comes running teary eyed over a slight scrape on the knee…”Liberty, when you grow up and run track, at first you’re going to fall over those hurdles and scrape your knee dozens of times way worse than that before you ever break any records! It’s no biggie! Go wipe off the blood and only use ONE BAND-AID!”
Folks, we all know that our scrapes and bruises today only make us stronger for the challenges and trials ahead. The Lord wastes none of our hurt. We can teach our children the same things about all their little scrapes and bumps. We can teach them to roll with the punches, not over react or over emotionalize. I mean, be kind, of course. Be caring…but if you have a child who is dramatic about every little boo-boo or can’t handle some rough-housing, you’ve got some work to do. That kind of child won’t be able to handle anything life throws at them.
And you won’t always be there with a band-aid and a boo-boo bunny.
michellewiginton says
This goes hand-in-hand with trying to FIX everything for your kids…I was so guilty about being a single mom, I tried to fix everything for my son….big mistake. They expect you to fix EVERYTHING in life…where were you 25 years ago Lyette!!!???
Lyette Reback says
Michelle you are doing a great job! Keep on keeping on! Love you sista!
Sandra says
I really enjoyed this today. The other day I overheard my boys in the back yard evaluating whether a certain injury would meet my criteria of being able to come back inside and I heard one day , ” I don’t think so, it’s not like the blood is coming from an artery.. Just better just get tough and keep playing!”
Lyette Reback says
Sandra, that is too funny. I also think it is interesting the difference between some children who are naturally a little tougher, and others who aren’t. Of course, I take those things into consideration with each child…but isn’t it funny?
Melissa says
I disagree completely. Where is the compassion in this parenting style? Children are by nature very sensitive. They love to be shown sympathy and love. Love is patient, love is kind, love is long suffering, love doesn’t care for it’s own self but cares for others….when I “fall down” on my faith, my loving Heavenly Father doesn’t say, “Get up you wimp and get back on your feet. What are you a weakling? You will have bigger struggles in the future, I can tell you that!” No, He lovingly picks us up, helps us see what we did wrong, how it hurt us, bandages those wounds for us, and then gently brings us back to our feet. He doesn’t push us along the path of life, especially when struggles are upon us, no, He carries us! I would not want to be your child. I see no compassion any of your words. You see, kids are not wimpy. Maybe when they become adolescents and they are still whining like a baby they could be called wimpy, but if your child is still young enough to call a scrape aboo boo, and if they’re simple enough to still love band aids, then they are NOT wimpy. It’s called being a child. They want and need LOVE more than they need to know how to be a great athlete for the soccer field or a soldier on the battlefield. And the strongest adults sometimes were the most sensitive little children. I think maybe you might should rethink forcing your kids to “grow up” when they’re not yet grown up.
Lyette Reback says
Melissa, perhaps you have only read this one post of mine and I suppose out of that context my words could be taken the way you perceived them. Writing can be a difficult medium to hear the heart of what is being said. As a mother with children ages 19 (almost 20) down to one year old, my heart is one of deep love and compassion. Without love and compassion I think I would have given up on this parenting gig about 13 kids ago. In this post I was more referring to the type of child who is truly unable to handle small bumps and scrapes….over dramatic about each small nick and cut. Obviously, not some sort of real boo boo and I have certainly had compassion on my children when they are exhausted or suffer some sort of injury – be it emotional or physical. I am a very loving mother….so loving in fact, I spend my spare time trying to encourage other moms as well. In my experience, posts like this one are necessary because some moms and dads, struggling with how to do family, simply never have any thought as to how to react to a child’s challenges. And so, for this reason, I spend my late nights writing. The whole of my website is dedicated to encouraging parents to love their children, to teach them that they are loved beyond compare in a very near and intimate relationship with their Heavenly Father, and that He desires them to see themselves through His loving eyes as righteous. I can assure you, each of my sweet children knows they are loved.
Rachel says
I totally agree. This type of training starts very early. Like, when kids are young and fall down and they search their parents faces for a reaction. If there is no reaction, they pick themselves up and start playing again, however, if we rush to their aid, they will begin a meltdown. We still go through bandaids like stickers around here, but the kids have been taught that if they scream and completely flip out, they better be ready to head to the hospital. Minor scrapes can call for tears and bandaids and hugs, but we have to make sure that our reactions are appropriate.
Lyette Reback says
Yes Rachel. I am glad I bought stock in Johnson&Johnson 19 years ago…I could very well be one of their biggest consumers in first aid care!