As a mom, this is one of the first and (seemingly) most important decisions you will ever make. For many today, breastfeeding is the normal and natural answer. Healthy for baby, good for momma, cost effective, and endorsed (and sometimes forced) by doctors, friends, and family.
I have had the opportunity to nurse most of my children, and even a few I have adopted (I was already nursing a biological child when they were added to our family). I think nursing (when it works) is a wonderful experience and I have enjoyed many quiet moments feeding my babies. But this post is not so much to encourage you to breastfeed (which I would recommend) as it is to give peace to those who choose otherwise.
Let’s just say I am not built like an evenflo bottle. I have never had an easy time getting a baby to latch on. Usually it takes 4-6 weeks of pumping then feeding with a bottle, accompanied by bloody and cracked nipples. If all that actually works, I have been duped with inadequate milk supply and less than optimal caloric milk more than once or twice. That’s with adequate rest and nutritional intake, plenty of water…all the tricks and tips you can imagine. If it sounds like I am justifying myself, I am not, I am simply letting mommies know that sometimes our best intentions for baby do not add up, and we may choose to make a decision in parenting that at the time-seems monumental.
Let me assure you, it is not.
I have 15 children. Some I have nursed not at all, some I have nursed for 18 months. Come over and meet them, and I guarantee, you can’t tell which have been nursed and which have not. You can’t tell by their health records either-in fact-some that have not been nursed at all have been to the doctor the least! Are the breastfed ones more intelligent? Can’t differentiate there either, of course they are all brilliant.
What you feed your child is far less important than HOW you feed them. Do you take time to hold them close and snuggle? Don’t have to breastfeed to do that! Do you look in their wee eyes and speak lovingly? Do you coo and cuddle and get off your feet taking that precious 20 minutes or so to just gaze at the miracle they are? Then whether you breast or bottle feed it makes no difference.
I have had friends with breast augmentations struggle over not being able to produce enough, moms who are going back to work feel guilty about not being able to keep up adequate supply, first time moms who think they are ruining their child’s chances at a good college over what they are fed as a four month old! Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing when it works. When it doesn’t-it can be a terrible guilt laden and painful introduction to parenting. Please don’t make breastfeeding your qualifier of being a good mother. Don’t judge your friends decision to not nurse, you may not have all the facts. Let’s encourage each other as moms and not bash a mommy for her choice in a neutral and non moral decision that has no bearing on anyone but their family.
And if it makes anyone feel any better, I would not even attempt to nurse any newest addition. Guilt free. Pain free. I will enjoy my newborns without all the fear, pain, and trials that breastfeeding has always been for me. Finally, 15 kids and 20 years to realize that it doesn’t always work and THAT IS OK. Anyone else struggle with breastfeeding?
amandayannotta says
Well said!
Barbara Behl says
I too had trouble breastfeeding and was given the guilt trip about it when I tried to nurse my first child 23 years ago and was told I must not be doing it right. From all the hype about it I just thought it must be natural and so wonderful to breastfeed because the mommy magazines showed mothers in beautiful white gowns sitting with their baby in a rocking chair nursing their baby and it all looks so wonderful and peaceful. Not for me! I didn’t even have a baby bottle to turn to! Then my older sister came by to visit (she hadn’t had children yet but she knew I was having difficulty nursing) and brought a bottle. I used it and it was like heaven! Even my husband could now help feed the baby too! I thank the Lord for baby bottles; and I think that day my baby felt a full tummy and thanked the Lord too!
Lyette Reback says
I can totally relate Barbara! Nothing like a baby going from frantic to blissful sleep because of a full belly!
Rachel says
Very exciting. :).
April Marie says
I’m a first time mom that has a baby girl in NICU I was pressured into Bf by most of my nurses in the hospital. So I thought I give it a try. My daughter wasn’t able to get milk until a couple of weeks later. So the most I could do was pump, I did what I was told, but later on I’ve noticed my milk supply was low I went from 5oz to 5ml. Lol ikr but I’ve started feeling really bad. Because not only I couldn’t keep my baby in my belly more than 26 weeks. Now I can’t supply milk for her. And going back to work didn’t make it no better. I will pump I will pump I will pump. And no milk. I tried everything from hot compress packs, fenugreek. Mothers milk tea, and even power pumping. No luck, but I had to come to a conclusion maybe formula will not be bad.
Lyette Reback says
Babe, please. You are doing your best. A baby in the NICU is no one’s fault. I too had a son born at 26 weeks and my milk was not caloric enough for him either. Look, God is Sovereign…He knows how many hairs are on your head and He knows what’s best for this baby. If breastfeeding is not working out then go ahead and use the formula and try to just enjoy your time with your baby. Feeding is feeding, and it does not matter what you feed them as long as you do it with love. Breastfeeding a baby who is struggling in the NICU is very hard because under that kind of stress many mothers find it hard to produce. Add work stress and I can completely see how it is hard to make milk. Keep marching momma. My 26 weeker is now 10 years old and star center of his football team. You will make it through this. You will be stronger in the end. It is a hellish road to walk, but you will walk it and you will make it with that baby. You hang in there and we will be praying for you. And remember, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Stuff happens. We deal. and thank God we deal with His strength and not just our own.
Julie 7 says
Oh, thank you!!! It is so refreshing to meet someone who is not insistent on breastfeeding being the only way. I have 6 beautiful intelligent children, all formula fed to some degree. I tried and made myself and my family miserable for too long and finally with child #4, just let it go. Thank you for being encouraging!
Lyette Reback says
Julie! So glad you were encouraged! God bless you and your family! Mama on!
Erin says
A friend of mine just shared this article with me and it’s like a breath of fresh air. I have an 8 day old that was born via C-section because of his size – 10lbs10oz at birth. So not only was I behind the 8 ball because of surgery vs natural, I was facing the challenge of feeding a giant baby. I have stressed myself out beyond belief since the day after he was born and have not allowed myself to take in the joy that he is. I am getting to the point that I’d rather accept my weakness and appreciate him than allow others to snuggle him while I try to pump and supplement. Thank you for helping.
Lyette Reback says
Erin, hang in there mama. Seriously. I had one daughter that try as I may, nursing was just a nightmare. At four days I threw in the towel. She is now a beautiful 19 year old incredibly intelligent and amazing young woman. It’s really ok. Breast or bottle is truly not even nearly the most important decision you will make in parenting.