When David and I got married, we both believed in Jesus but we barely knew what that meant. As we added children to our family, we quickly grew in our faith. Both of us were fortunate to have parents who modeled solid marriages for us. But somehow I felt the need to read all about what a good Christian marriage should look like.
And there were no lack of resources.
Plenty of “experts” out there in the field.
Lots of different people to tell me how my marriage should work.
If I would just respect my husband, then he would love me.
If I was sure to always build him up, never criticize, always say yes in bed, always yield, never argue…
There were plenty of books to tell me what I should “always” and “never” do. (…for the record, always and never are two of my least favorite words…)
It was an overwhelming, impossible list to keep.
Sure…in a perfect world, I should be all of the above list and more. But I always found myself asking…”Isn’t that the way BOTH spouses should treat one another….as much as possible?”
And then one day I was rereading Genesis.
“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable to him.” (Genesis 2:18)
Suddenly one little word jumped right off the page at me.
I looked up the verse in a bunch of different versions…
“I will make a helper just right for him.”
“…a helper fit for him.”
“…a helper as his complement.”
“…a companion who corresponds to him.”
“…a helper as his counterpart.”
And suddenly I felt very free.
You see, there are many models of marriage and a million different combinations of personalities in those relationships. Those who have gone before us can give us advice, they can tell us what worked for them…but they aren’t the ones made SUITABLE for our own husband. Many of the biggest challenges David and I have faced came as a result of me trying to fit into what someone else’s expectation of marriage looked like.
So today I just wanted to encourage you that YOU are the helper suitable for your spouse. You’re the one who is fit for him, his compliment, his counterpart, the one who corresponds to him. Maybe it doesn’t always look the way the “experts” tell us it should, but after 23 years together, I think I am an expert on MY marriage. And since David seems pretty darn happy, I must be filling that role just fine. Don’t get too wrapped up in someone else’s view on marriage. Just be the counterpart your spouse needs.