So HOW MANY kids do you have?
And HOW MANY have you adopted?
Well, I HAVE 16 children. Actually– I have two legal adults and fourteen children but the question about how many I have adopted always seems to follow the incredulous “How many did you actually GIVE BIRTH to???”
Folks. Let’s get real for a second here.
Pregnancy is the easiest part of parenting. At worst, the actual birthing process is a few miserable hours. C’mon People!!! Pregnancy and birth are the simplest aspect of actually having a child! In many cases, pregnancy is unexpected or unplanned and still– the baby comes. But once that child is here, the difficult aspect of actually raising a human being begins…and that’s the tough part.
[bctt tweet=”Pregnancy is the easiest part of parenting. “]
How many children a woman HAS…one, two or twenty…verses how many she physically gave birth to is completely immaterial. How many children she has committed to raise can vary widely from the actual birth count. Adoption, fostering, taking in, mentoring…each of these familial ties and responsibilities is far more challenging than a pregnancy or even a difficult birth.
And look…I’ll be honest. I’m thankful beyond all comparison that David and I were able to conceive and have children despite a few miscarriages and health issues along the way. I’m blown away by the grace of God that we were given the opportunity to adopt several times. And as icing on the cake, we have several kiddos that call us mama and dad that have no legal or blood relation at all– we were just bound together in our hearts by a loving heavenly Father.
But please never discount the work a family has undergone despite however many biological vs. adopted children they have. Likely they’ll tell you that being pregnant and having a baby was easy compared to all the hoops they went through to adopt as well as how the challenges only BEGAN after the pregnancy ended. And what about those precious souls who bravely choose to foster? They may not have ever been pregnant, they may not have ever adopted. But no doubt the impressions they left on the hearts of dozens of children outweighs the actual number of children they may have raised into adulthood.
The reason for this post is because many times, as someone asks me how many children I gave birth to verses how many I adopted…the response once someone discovers that we have adopted four seems like– “Oh well THAT makes it easier.” And the truth of it is, that adoption is not easy, and raising a child is not easy, whereas by comparison to either of those things, pregnancy and birth are– even if only by comparison of sheer duration! It sometimes comes across to families who adopt as though the adoptions “don’t count,” or aren’t their “real children”…which is very hurtful towards the adopted parent AND the adopted child. Not to mention it completely discounts the bravery and magnitude of the gift a birth parent gave.
Raising a child, no matter how they come into the family, is the toughest job on the planet. So hats off to every one of us who has bravely stepped into the ring to give it our best shot. No matter how that little miracle came into our lives.
[bctt tweet=”Raising a child, no matter how they come into the family, is the toughest job on the planet.”]
Connie Hare says
This really was a great poost. As both a birth mom and adoptive mom, I get asked the same question. Sometimes the question stings when asked because we had 13 ocassions where we thought these children could be leaving over a course of 2 1/2 years. We loved them as our own as God commanded us to. I am very grateful to the young birth mother for the gift of these two amazing children. We still pray for her almost 10 years later. Thank you for being able to express this on our behalf.
Lyette Reback says
So glad you found it encouraging Connie. Much love.
Michelle Wiginton says
Bravo for this wonderful post! I love the validation you give to ALL KINDS of formal and informal parenting…you bless moms, not just kiddos!!
Lyette Reback says
Thank you Michelle! Bless you and praying for you and your family!
Todd Machiela says
Lyette, from a single dad of a mere four, you have my respect. Thank you for your testimony, it is a real blessing. After working for over 25 years in corporate America, you cannot be more correct when you say “toughest job on the planet.” 6am to usually past 11pm everyday!
Keep up the Good Work! You are an inspiration.
We are also members of Family Church (always will be FBCWPB to me).
Lyette Reback says
Single parenting is a ‘nuther level of respect. Lemme tell you, when my husband used to travel or be gone long hours when the kiddos were little…it was so hard. I remember thinking about single parents and just marveling. Bless you and thank you for your encouragement! Say hi at church! Would love to meet you and your crew!
Katrina says
I have ten children and one more on the way. People always ask me, “are they all yours?” and yes, they are all mine. However, my first son is my stepson who has always lived with me ever since he was two years old. I raised that boy, and he is every bit mine as much as he is his father’s and his biological mother. Another thing I get asked is, “You have ten kids? What are their ages?” and then when I say 24, 22, 20, 16, 15 — they stop me right there and say, “oh…you have OLDER kids Well, that makes things easier….” and I’m like, what? easier? Okay, I guess easier RIGHT NOW since two are out on their own already. But I DID put in the work to raise them, LOL — it’s so funny how people respond to large families.
Lyette Reback says
So many responses, so little time. Smaller kids are challenging, but the big kids can take quite a bit out of you too! What is it that they always get talkative Waaaaay late at night??? Right? Not easier. Just different. None of this job is easy. But it is worth it. xoxo