I’m from Texas. Big hair, high heels, bright colored clothes and lots of Maybelline. It’s just something in the water growing up in that magnificent state.
When I came to Florida, about the only thing that changed was I gave up my high heels for flip flops. When my daughter was born, the bigger the bow the better. Everything had to match. As the Lord added to our family, the children had to match. And I have taken my fair share of ribbing for it over the years, but I’ll stand by this aspect of my Houston heritage and I will tell you why.
“Man looks on the outside, but God weighs the hearts,” the Scriptures tell us. I have heard this verse used many times to defend a carelessness about appearances, but let me argue the other side. Yes, it is our responsibility to train their hearts. Integrity, kindness, humility, and mercy are among a myriad of character traits that we try to teach our children. Of course, teaching them about the love and grace given with faith in Christ is singularly the most important thing we can teach our children.
Got it.
But if we are to raise a child who is gainfully employed (at bare minimum), we should remember there is some person he/she is going to have to impress to get that job! They may be wonderful on the inside. We could have trained their character flawlessly, but if we have neglected to train them in basic hygiene (no one wants to hire someone whose stinky breath and yellow teeth are unbearable at five paces distance) who will hire them?
We must train our children in the way they should go. We must intentionally train them to BE the type of person we would all hope for them to marry. This takes work. Repetition of the basics in hygiene. Endless reminders.
So many mommas will ask me how I get my older daughters to dress nicely. Their closets don’t contain anything I wouldn’t want them to wear in the first place. This does not take endless amounts of cash, here have been seasons I have had to make most of their clothes.
But I have always dressed nicely (thank you Texas! and to my mother who was always dressed to the nines and wore makeup to just drink her coffee), done my hair, and 9 times out of 10 you see me with my Maybelline. It begins with mom being the example of training them up. And even then, let me tell you, you will have to remind them multiplied thousands of times to wear their deodorant (my word, can’t they sniff it themselves?), brush their teeth, comb their hair, to train them how to be presentable.
I am imploring you as a parent to take a good gander at your children and the state of their personal appearances. Not just Sunday morning, but every morning. Some children we have to constantly remind not to care SO much about their appearances. But on the whole, the opposite is true. This area of training we must not neglect. We must be intentional. We must be pro active.
Day by day, week after week, and year after year…train their hearts for that special purpose God created them for, and to be a ready helpmeet to their spouse, but do not neglect to train them to care for their outside appearances.
Teach them to be mindful of what they are communicating through their outward appearances. Many times we communicate far more with our clothing and mannerisms than we do with our words. Don’t lose heart in those tween and teen years. It’s well worth it!
cherylplourde says
When we met the Reback’s 11.5 years ago, we only had 1 daughter at the time. My husband loved how they matched their girls and also loved the beautiful dresses and bows they wore. He soon found out where they were from and went out and bought Abi the same dress. Now we have 5 daughters and Dan loves to see them matching! Thank you for teaching us to do this well Lyette.
We also home school our children and they must be dressed from head to toe each morning at breakfast. This gives them that practice that they do need and I believe it causes them to do better school work. I think if your dressed sloppy you feel sloppy and then you perform sloppy work. When my children (and I) are dressed and groomed nicely for the day we also seem to feel more favorable towards one another.
I can’t agree more with Lyette’s words to remember that as true as it is that God looks on the inside, man is going to take a look on the outside, and a smell too. Thank you for this awesome reminder to keep on helping them to be their very best! I love this blog!!
angieyoung says
This is so awesome! To take it a step further possibly even on toes, this has been heavy on my heart. So many women I know (men too) struggle with obesity issues. This leads to so many other issues including health, insecurity, and marriage problems. Many of these women “try” to eat healthy and exercise but lead and leave their daughters to horrible eating habits. Why is it okay for the mom to now force herself into healthy habits but continue to allow her daughter to travel down the same painful road of struggles? How many people take pills to attain the exact results that 3 healthy meals would produce? Thank you for sharing Lyette.
Daniela Tomescu says
Our faith is about relationships. God works through us to reach others. Our appearance is one of the determining factors of whether the door opens or closes because man does judge the outward appearance. When I meet the Rebaks I was also impressed with their family’s outward appearance. That prompted me to look deeper and the resulting relationship has and continues to bring blessings to my family.
AC says
Dear Lyette, thank you for these beautiful words. Can I ask you something (my older children is just 5 actually, but I’m asking it for the future…) : how do you talk to your children, especially daughters, about modesty ? I don’t want to afraid my children, or seems “old”, but I’d like to teach them how to dress up, with modesty, elegance and of course, be fashionable after all 😉 thank you for your advices, God bless you ! xxx
AC from France
Lyette Reback says
Modesty is a great topic AC! Thank you for bringing it up! I will have to write a blog on that!
AC says
Can’t wait to read it ! Thanks
joanna says
You look great! What kind of cosmetic surgery or procedures have you done to look so young and wrinkle free?
Lyette Reback says
Joanna, you crack me up! I have not had any surgeries or procedures…I would tell you honestly if I had. I use more than my fair share of makeup and products, though, I’ll tell you that! xoxo and thank you for the compliment!
Kelly says
How do you manage to look good with small children? I have small children, get up and run everyday, clean the house, etc but getting ready just takes away from necessary things. Is there a trick to do in it all?